This One is For You Carol D.

I’ve had this blog in my head for quite a while. I regret that I didn’t post it sooner. Carol D. was one of my biggest supporters and commentators on my blog. For some crazy reason, Carol thought I was funny. Carol and my sister Kath were BFFs since high school. Carol died in February. I know she would have laughed at this one and made a very funny comment. I’m going to miss that. This one is for you Carol D.

Anyone who knows me will tell you I’m not the most physically coordinated person. I like to think that since I’m brilliant with such a sharp wit, my brain cells can’t handle any more. It makes me feel better about myself. And helps me forget my disastrous cheerleader tryout in 7th grade. (it was so awful. I still relive it in my dreams sometimes)

I’ve gotten in the habit the last few years of wearing long necklaces. I like them, they make me feel pretty plus I only buy really cheap ones. I also wear a cross-body purse. I like having my hands free and it’s much more convenient. Maybe not the most stylish but I do make sure to buy them in cute and trendy colors.

I was meeting my friend Erin at a small restaurant in town. She and Matt were getting married and I was doing the candles for their reception (shameless plug for Little Cottage Candles my company that makes amazing candles for sale as well as special orders for weddings). I had gotten there early. It’s a small place, more for carry-out, but it does have a few tables to eat in.

I put my coat and briefcase on the chair next to me. I started to take my cross-body off as well. This is where is gets interesting.

As I was pulling my purse off, somehow it got tangled into my long necklace. As I started pulling the strap over my head, the necklace tightened around my throat. I couldn’t figure out for a minute what was going on.

I put my purse back down on my side and looked at the strap to see what was wrong. I saw the necklace and untangled it.

Well I thought I did.

I lifted my purse back up to take it off and this time it was so tight I started to choke. The more I moved, the tighter it got. And the tighter it got, the more I panicked. And the more I panicked the more embarrassed I got.

I looked around to see if anyone saw what was happening. No one was paying attention to the panicked looking, red-faced middle aged woman who was tangled in her cross-body purse. Or maybe it’s an everyday occurrence, and it just hadn’t happened to me yet.

Regardless, I kept moving my purse to not choke myself and then I got the necklace tangled in my hair. My arms were up in the air, purse pulled out almost over my head and hair sticking out all over. Yup it was a Kodak moment.

I have no freakin’ clue how I got it off of my neck and over my head. No clue. Maybe it was just pure panic, the sweat all over my head and neck loosened it up or the Universe finally decided to quit laughing and let it go. I was grateful and immediately sat down and pretended it never happened.

So what have I learned from this? No offense to anyone who is into the whole choking during sex thing,  but Janney can’t play that game. No judgement – just realization on my part that choking is a real fear. I still wear cross-body purses and this has happened to me more times that I will admit. At least now I know to just drop, untangle and lift to get my purse off without looking like an idiot.

At least I didn’t wet my pants. That’s always a plus.