I Might be a YouTube Star

A few weeks ago, I screwed up my left hip flexor (I never knew what it was called until a year or so ago. It’s what makes you able to move your left leg without whimpering with pain). I was a bit stubborn – hard to believe – when my buddy John was over here. John and Kim own the cottage and he was out to repair the privacy fence that had blown down (and that’s a whole other blog post adventure).

John had 50# bags of cement in the back of his car. He told me not to get them because “girls can’t lift 50#.” That man knows me. Don’t ever tell me I can’t do something. I said “oh yeah?” or some ridiculous comment and started to lift one out. I did the whole bend my knees and lift, which was good. It was the whole turning to the side and not lifting my leg to shift weight that was bad. I certainly didn’t admit it hurt like hell. I will not admit defeat.

I did admit it that night though when I was icing it and using Icy Hot on it. I limped around with it for a week thinking it would get better. I decided to call in the big guns and went to see Dr. Deb, my amazing chiropractor. Deb fixed it right up and I left the office feeling better and no pain.

Yeah, then I screwed up. I gave in to my addiction on the way back to the office and drove through Starbucks. Usually this is easy – make the order, drive up, pay and get my coffee. That’s what happened, until I held my phone out to pay.

I dropped it.

Right out the window and right in front of my back tire. Crap.

The girl at the window leaned out to confirm where my iPhone was at. I couldn’t really open my door because there was maybe a 4″ space between my car and the counter. And of course there was a back up of cars behind me.

She guided me to slowly pull my car forward and start turning the wheel to get more room to open the door. This seemed to go on forever as I’d move and turn, back up, and do it again. I thought I had enough room to squeeze out to be able to pick it up.

Nope. I got stuck.

So here I am, stuck halfway out the door, my left leg stretched out and turned, my belly caught on the door and can’t move. Well shit. Now what do I do?

The woman behind me was getting impatient and I was at that point anxious and embarrassed. I didn’t know what to do. So I sucked in my gut and just pushed myself back into the car. All I could think of was someone in the line behind me shooting video of the fat lady in the purple coat stuck getting out of her car to get her damn $5 cup of little coffee and lots of fat and cream.

The girl in the window continued to give me instructions on moving my car further without running over my phone. After what seemed to be hours, I was able to get out and pick up my phone*. I turned around to all the cars behind me and yelled “got it!” trying to seem like I thought it was a fun adventure that we were all in together.

I will say one advantage of having an addiction and feeding it at the same place is that they know your name. The manager said, “don’t worry about it Jan, we’ve got you” and didn’t charge me. I grabbed my Venti Chestnut Praline Latte and took off.

I got back to work and for the next few days searched social media for #fatladyatstarbucks to see if I popped up anywhere. So far, so good.

The worst part? I had just paid Dr. Deb to fix me up and within a half hour, I screwed it up even worse. I waited a week before I went back to see her because I’m stubborn and thought it would go away.

The moral of this story? I guess for me is to quit being so stubborn (ain’t gonna happen, no way), hold on to my phone with a death grip when I hold it out the window,  and to keep being nice to the Starbucks folks so if I do it again, I’ll get another free $5 coffee.

I suppose it I quit drinking the fat laden $5 coffees, I might lose weight so I wouldn’t get stuck in the door. And no it never occurred to me to climb over the seat and get out on the passenger side.

Oh well, if you see me on YouTube tag me. I want some royalites off of that to buy more Starbucks.

*Oh and BTW, Otterbox is totally worth the money. Not a scratch on my phone.